world

昨晚，我再次夢見了你。

甜蜜、溫柔、不以為然、視而不見。

如過山車。

如歌詞的那一句：
「Open my eyes... It was only just a dream」

無論過了多久，那種感覺只有愈來愈深厚。
沒有了你，我還是活著，依照著我的人生路走下去。
我曾天真的認為，沒有了你，我還是能如此活下去。
直到，有一天。

他說，這樣子的我，如行屍走肉，人生已沒有樂趣，
這樣子，還算是人生嗎？

苦笑之後，也只有苦笑。

有些事，答案一早在心中，卻不願意正視。
自欺欺人，有時候騙得了自己，卻騙不過旁人。


Can someone release me from this curse?
I am so tired of myself.

a year

心力交瘁。
吸了口氣，還是沒法放鬆自己。


This month is, somehow special to me.
It's been a year for a lot of things.
A lot.

It's been a year since I work here.
A year since that I am up from my dream,
and walk towards the reality that I picked myself.

A year since you are gone.
I am hoping that your parents and... him, are doing fine.
I am hoping that when people think about you, all is left is your smile.
I am hoping that the people who got your donated organs are living healthly.
Charmeo, you are always living in us.

It's been a year since...


Overwhelming.

exhausted.

I am too tired.

回家

我想我喜歡上了在回家的時候打blog。

習慣是件很可怕的事，
我想我還需要時間去習慣去再次一個人面對，
面對屬於我自己的黑暗。

有時候，我只是任性的去逼別人去走我所相信的。
我倔強，我自私，
我都知道。
所以，別讓我再開始依賴。

謝謝你。

out

so basically,
i just opened the chat window for more than 10 times tonight,
and then closed it without typing anything.

doing this repeatingly is not fun.

dont ask me wtf i want anymore.
all i want right now is just to get out of this depression.




i should really close my fb again, and then uninstall msn.
and probably inactivate my phone.

累

回家的路上。
有想哭的感覺，
那怕身邊有很多人，感覺依然很寂寞。

傷口一直未能痊癒，
那種痛苦，
算什麼？

沒有了你，我還是活著吧？
又或者，
我也只能如此。


Can I just live a life of my own?

G.E.M. - 我不懂愛

一個人呼吸　單獨的頻率寂寞零碎　
逐我的眼淚電話在沈睡　沒有你安慰閉上眼晴　
我卻還看見你

記憶的符號　任意的跳躍你離開了　
只剩下我自已愛又再擴散　
不想再被綑綁放棄隱藏　只想到你身旁

那甜蜜車站　空空蕩蕩回家的路特別暗

＊心事全都攤開　讓你看明白　
我的世界只　為你而存在　
是否不應該　讓你離開　
我不懂愛　怎樣重來＊

＃昨天的對白　今天是傷害　
太多後悔在　我心裹徘徊　
是否不應該　讓你離開　
我不懂愛　能否重來＃

你的咖啡杯　熟悉的氣味
淡淡苦澀 在陪著我入睡
愛跟你作對　 總說你不對
等到枯萎　才懂得你的美
日曆的每一角　都是你記號
現在知道　你是我的依靠
愛又再擴散　 不想再被綑綁
放棄隱藏　只想到你身旁

那甜蜜車站 空空蕩蕩回家的路特別暗

原來不曾瞭解你　一直不懂得珍惜
承諾過的旅行　如今一個進行學
不懂　去面對　OH NO
全都攤開　讓你看明白
我只為你存在
是否不應該　讓你離開
我不懂愛

lost

I guess he was right.
Afterall, I am just exactly like what he said.

That's why I hate myself more than anything right now.





I've lost my dream, now my goal.
what else is left?

dessip

Walking out of the MTR station,
looking up in the sky,
took a deep breath,
trying to get away all the complicated feelings out of my mind.

Every one more step, I felt like I was going to break down,
tears are going to drop off my eyes.
Every one more step, my heart hurts a little more,
my body was shaking even more.

Want to puke so badly.
I feel gross.

At that very moment,
I hate myself more than anything in my life.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Habits, are something hateful.
They are like drugs, but worse.
Once you are affected, they are like almost impossible to get rid of.
Trying so hard to get rid of my terrible habits,
trying so hard to just live a life out of them.

And guess what?
It is worse than a coffee-holic not having a taste of coffee.
It is worse than a gambler not going into a casino.

I thought I got rid of it.
But no... they are like drugs.
You thought you are totally over them,
and decided to take another pill just to prove it,
then now, you are back into hell.

I thought I am finally getting used to being alone,
I thought I am actually feeling better,
I thought I am over this,
I thought I am handling work and school better than before,
I thought I am actually balancing my life better,
.....
No, it was just a lie.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Slap me hard.
damn it.

out

I feel like,
if there's just someone right beside me right now,
at this very moment,
I am just going to lean on that person,
and let myself break down completely.

it was a terrible idea to let myself out of control yesterday.

now,
the consequence is here.

I am out of this.

AJ Rafael - When We Say (Juicebox) - Official Music Video - Wong Fu Prod...

the song says it all.

alive notice.