dessip

Walking out of the MTR station,
looking up in the sky,
took a deep breath,
trying to get away all the complicated feelings out of my mind.

Every one more step, I felt like I was going to break down,
tears are going to drop off my eyes.
Every one more step, my heart hurts a little more,
my body was shaking even more.

Want to puke so badly.
I feel gross.

At that very moment,
I hate myself more than anything in my life.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Habits, are something hateful.
They are like drugs, but worse.
Once you are affected, they are like almost impossible to get rid of.
Trying so hard to get rid of my terrible habits,
trying so hard to just live a life out of them.

And guess what?
It is worse than a coffee-holic not having a taste of coffee.
It is worse than a gambler not going into a casino.

I thought I got rid of it.
But no... they are like drugs.
You thought you are totally over them,
and decided to take another pill just to prove it,
then now, you are back into hell.

I thought I am finally getting used to being alone,
I thought I am actually feeling better,
I thought I am over this,
I thought I am handling work and school better than before,
I thought I am actually balancing my life better,
.....
No, it was just a lie.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Slap me hard.
damn it.