work + contradiction + life

busy week.

work + exam + gatherings = awesome!
and i really do mean that.
keeping myself busy is the only way to keep me happy,
yes i know that sounds weird, but i guess it is the way to go.
well, of course, i have to say work != pressure.

tired?
yes, i am pretty tired.
lack of sleep to the max already.

i need to find that feeling back.
indepedence, the feeling that i do not need anyone in my life.
the feeling that i can surivive,
even the whole world leaves me alone.

it sounds silly, isn't it?
it is pretty contradictive as well.
you can always live without anyone,
yet you can never live perfectly fine with yourself.
it is like the diminishing return in economics.
with more people, you can produce more goods, until a certain ratio.
as you keep depending on your nearby people,
one day, as your "depending ratio" is too high,
you can no longer live by your own.
(yes, i admit i am currently studying my last economic exam...)

at one point, i am so tired of being alone, facing all these problems.
at the other end, i am glad i can deal with all these myself.
my life is just contradictive, i know.

i guess, i just want someone to be there.
to be there to tell me, i am not the only person in this "world".
to be there, so that when i am tired of trying,
i have someone to go back to.

yes i am having some serious homesick recently...

but in reality,

there is no one you can truly rely on,
other than your family.

counting down!

where are you, my heart?


4 more months to go.
i don't care anything anymore.
this is my last 4 months, last 4 months of everything.
i just want to be happy.

i just want to create the happiest moment of my life,
in this last 4 months.

keep my life busy, my friends = )

夢

這個blog的第100篇文章!

昨天的夢，有點奇怪。
先是夢到了回香港。

下了機，一個人輕鬆的搭mtr回家，發覺香港改變了很多。
好像是，由旺角去太子的mtr station中間加了好幾個，名字又怪怪的那種。
總之就是改到我認不了的樣子。

去到了自家的mtr station，一走出了station，連回家的路也認不到。
一切都改變了。
認不到那地方，認不到另一個我生活了很久的地方。

走了很久，在五光十色的香港街道上，既懷念既害怕。
之後這才想起，我在機場的時候沒拿到行李，怪不得那麼「輕鬆」。
打了回家，(不明白用著fido的account的時候在香港打電話，為什麼還要+011852)，
才告訴媽我回了香港，沒拿到行李之類的。
媽問我有沒有在checkin的時候，在行李上貼上tracking label之類的東西。
我才想起好像沒有這回事，為什麼呢？
拿出機票來看，那是後日才登機的機票，搞什麼我回到了香港？！

之後就醒來了。
看看時間還早，再睡。

這次是我要在５月１日之前搬回residence住。
問題是，為什麼哥還在這邊，跟我一起住rez?!
還記得是住6樓的，外面吵到不得了，可是我跟哥還是這樣子。
只記得最後要醒來(在夢中)的時候，是因為還記得自己今天有stats的exam，
之後就真的在夢中醒來，回到現實。

我是太想家了嗎？

headacheeee

time does not cure, experience does.


headache to the max.
ok i should stop drinking.

"after-exam" syndrome is terrible.
even though i still havent really finished it,
it just sucks.

why is this four months so hard to get over with?
i know i should enjoy this last 4 months.
yet it is just very hard.

there are so many things that i want to cherish,
that i want to hold them tight in my hands.
but....
bit by bit, they just slipped through my fingers.

i am asking for too much i guess.

alcohol --> sleep --> headache.

alcohol + after exam --> depression max.

傅佩嘉 - 絕

寧願滯留在此處 寧願叫時間中止
我不會再信未來 我不要再看歷史
還能活才是諷刺 故此不用做傻事
讓痛苦 輪回千次 彰顯那快樂有盡時

曙光全部熄滅 殺掉我影子
我只能獨處 背后全沒有支柱

什麼叫絕望 抬起眼望望
如今我在你面前呈堂 隨便收看
靈魂被抽干 殘留著軀干
從此與未了願同存亡 地老天荒
還不夠絕望 尚可更絕望
留給我日後用來形容前面境況
能夠這樣 謝謝你幫忙
將僅有願望都風光殮葬

我沒這首歌詞那麼悲。
只不過，那幾句，倒是挺合意的。

tired

Why is it so hard to find peace in my heart?

so tired of being alone.

pause

may thesis be with you.

so tired of life.
need some rest from this stress.

all i want right now,
is to get rid of anything that will prevent me from concentrating.
enjoying this busy moment of life,
yet kinda tired of it.

i wish, i really wish time can just pause.
maybe just one day.
just, one day.

guess, i should not see you.

朱古力糯米成功!

終於成功了!
昨天第一次弄的時候，弄得不是太好，怪怪的。

可是今天終於了解如何弄了，因為比例是比較怪一點。

因為外面的粉是沒糖的Cocoa粉，所以看上去很奇怪就是了。

再加上，因為真的很「痴」的關係，很難把那個外型弄好。

下一次再來吧xD

嗯，今天用的是Strawberry meltykiss作涵。
說真的，是不錯的，最少比看上去好很多了好不好><

好了玩完吃完，去作paper.........=口=

wtb

有無人願意賣睡眠給我?
應該說是..有quality的睡眠。

咖啡很可怕地開始沒有用，(絕對是soul link的錯)
還是我真的老了?! =___="



捱下去，定是會有出路嗎？

whine = feel better

step by step.
bit by bit.

slowly breaking down.
slowly recovering.
in an endless cycle of break down and recovering.

endless pressure, endless problems, endless mental break downs.

school is killing me.
past is confusing me.
present is torturing me.
future is scaring me.
life is failing me. (or the other way around)

i m okay and will be okay.
sorry that my msn name scares you.

open my eyes,
all I see is darkness and hopeless.